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How I led a double life

Updated: Jun 18, 2018

Hard times made me want to escape to an alternate reality. With the pressure of school, finding an internship, paying rent, maintaining a social life and the multitude of other things that include being an adult, sometimes I felt like having another side of me that didn't have regular human issues would be cool. Journaling was not working, I didn't care to speak with a therapist and I did not want to air out my dirty laundry to my family.

So I went with what everybody else was doing and I created a Finstagram. According to Urban Dictionary a Finstagram, finsta for short, is a mixture of Fake & Instagram. People, usually girls, get a second Instagram account along with their real instagrams, rinstagrams, to post any pictures or videos they desire. The photos or videos posted are usually funny or embarrassing. Only your closest friends follow this account. I created my Finsta with the thought that i'd be able to recreate a reality that I wish I was really living. I hoped that by posting my deepest and darkest feelings to my followers, I'd be able to get feedback on my insecurities. The funny part about this whole thing was that my username was "Bl0SS0M". Looking at that makes me laugh, because it was extremely ironic that I used something so pure for something so fake. I hoped that by sharing my insecurities with my followers they'd help me not only minimize my problems but normalize what I was going through. I posted pictures that not only showcased my insecurities but I wrote extremely long captions that expressed my problems. The sad part is, I was sharing all of this to people that couldn't do anything for me but read them. I hadn't realized that these problems needed to be handled by myself.

I learned that entertaining bad habits like reinforces the idea of not handling your issues head on. It creates a false reality and begins to affect every single aspect of your life just like a domino effect. It began to affect my relationship with the person I was in love with, with the people closest to me and most importantly, myself.

Additionally, It went against everything I believe in. I was not truly living out my platform and it made me disappointed in myself. I teach other to be transparent with themselves yet I was entertaining something that forced me to ignore the truest parts of myself.

Lastly, it helped me recognize that there are multiple alternatives to dealing with the pressures of life. I turned to spending more time with myself which resulted in a lot of personal reflection. I started taking yoga classes which not only helped me physically but helped me mentally. The art of meditation is truly a wonder! I also started tapping in to my passions. I started researching what it takes to travel the world. I started traveling a little bit more by taking small trips here and there (Of course on a budget because I am a broke college student). I started going to therapy which helped me dissect some of the things I was experiencing. I cannot stress this enough: Please do not be afraid to speak to someone about your feelings. It does not make you weak and it does not mean anything is wrong with you. It simply means you're human.

If you ever become overwhelmed with your current situation, start digging into the deepest parts of yourself. Invest In your wellbeing by dissecting some of those bad habits. Most times, when life gets rough we just need to change how we are doing things. This means we have to change our perspectives, our ways of handling situations, our friend group or even the things we do to express ourselves. Life gets rough people and it'll have you wanting to create an alternative reality for yourself! (Just like me lol), but in order to be a better person for the people around us and the benefit of the universe, we've all got to start being better and doing better.

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Tianne Johnson
Tianne Johnson
Jun 16, 2018

First of all, you are an amazing writer. Secondly, I’m so proud of you for being self reflective and taking responsibility for your own wellbeing. You’re truly an inspiration and shed light on the importance of staying true to who you are. I also hope to start therapy very soon, because I know it will improve my life ten fold. 💕💕 Love you so much

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