For someone who is EXTREMELY sensual and in tune with their body, remaining celibate has been a very hard task. I take pride in being able to share intimate moments with the opposite sex but I have learned that not everyone is so deserving of tapping into my mind, body and soul. I'd rather keep my emotional sanity than risk it for temporary physical pleasure.
As of March 31st, 2019, I decided it was time to embark on a journey that I knew would be a hard one for me. For the sake of readers who do not know exactly what Celibacy is, here is a definition:
Celibacy
cel·i·ba·cy /ˈseləbəsē/Learn to pronounce
noun the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.
While I am only one month into this journey, I can proudly say that choosing celibacy has been very fun. Ironically, I've learned that I am aroused about 15 hours a day. Just because I choose to hold off on sex, doesn’t mean my sex drive will wait on me.
I was content with just clitoral stimulation but I got tired of using my hands. Plus, I wanted to try something new. So I took a trip to the sex store and purchased this beauty. (I got mine in pink because BLOSSOM GANG, DUH!)
Surprisingly, it only costs $36.99 at Tokyo Valentino on Northside Drive here in Atlanta, Georgia.
I posted my new electronic boyfriend on twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. Surprisingly, I got a lot of mixed responses. Some were genuinely interested while some were tad bit uncomfortable. For the most part, many women were intrigued and ready for open conversations about it which is so important.
So because some of my followers asked, I’ll share 6 tips to staying on track:
1. Imagine that your vagina looks like this:
You may think I'm kidding, but I'm 100% serious. There is power behind imagination. While I know I have a vagina, in order to really suppress my urge to "buss it wide open", I imagine myself without the necessary parts to have sex. "Paige you have a blank therefore, you cannot have sex.". Now, do not confuse this with suppressing your sexual desires. Always acknowledge how you're feeling and dissect it but realize that in this moment, it is not in your best interest to pursue.
2. Invest in a Toy A.K.A The Electronic Boyfriend
A good way to burn off some of that sexual tension is by pleasuring yourself. Initially I thought that DJ-ing (Clitoral Masturbation) would suffice, but I mean why not try out all of my options? I want to know what exactly my body likes and how I could find new levels of pleasure. That way, when I do find someone willing to love me as whole I can share with them exactly what I like.
3. Keep a mini bush
This is all about self preference. Personally, I do not like anything down there when I do engage in sexual acts. To prevent anything from happening I keep a nice, maintained bush so that if something where to happen, I could choose not to partake for "personal reasons".
4. Skip hanging out in his room
Now this may be one of the hardest things for me. I'd like to think of myself as a homebody and would prefer to stay in and be "boo'd up". BAD IDEA. Always choose to go out with any guy you find yourself sexually attracted to. We all know that one things leads to another. Cuddling turns into kissing. Kissing turns into rubbing. Then rubbing turns into...well...you know. Instead, mention that you prefer to do things outside of his room (or your room).
5. Busy yourself
As any mom would say "Go read a book or something!". No really. Go read a book. Take a hike. Cross some things off of you daily to-do list. Often times, I find myself wanting physical attention when I'm bored. To keep myself busy, I keep a list of things I need to accomplish before the day ends and a list of things I want to do before the day ends. After I complete the things I need to do, then I do the things I want to do. This ensures that my day is almost jammed packed with things that keep me focused.
6. Remind yourself WHY you’re choosing celibacy
This is the most important tip! Remembering your WHY will ensure that you are making good decisions. Personally, I chose celibacy because not only do I need to work on my relationship with God but I have to work on my relationship myself. When I get close to sending that "u up?" text, I think about what I'd be doing if I let myself fall to temptation. Be intentional about what you do and why you're doing what you're doing.
Being a woman is not easy and sometimes there are moments when we cannot fully exist and appreciate this process of growth! If it were up to me, I would enjoy having sex all day everyday. Sadly, that is not realistic (for me).
Isn’t this what your 20s are for? I love this stage of self exploration, especially when it comes to finding new ways to love myself. While some of my tips and tricks might not help you, that is perfectly okay. Find the things that work for you and go for it! Celebrate your growth and know that everything you are going through is normal.
P.S. For Friends and Family that happen to be offended this post, I would like to sincerely apologize. My content can be a bit raw and probably overwhelming.
My website is purely for me to post my journey and keep it as transparent as possible. Please do not take this personally, but maybe my blog posts aren't for you.